Yet another Tinder date lands on my calendar. I’ve been sprinkling these in, here and there. Being in sales I have to believe dating is a numbers game. If you pitch 100 times, one person should be a good fit, right? That’s the theory at least.
I show up, I’m feeling positive. Our text communication was fun, uplifting and enjoyable. We go to a local Sacramento Pub get a drink and start playing darts. He asks me about my job and we started to settle in, so I thought.
One of the first modalities I learned in therapy was the Polyvagal Theory. Keep in mind, I am not a doctor, knowing or reading my journey is NOT a replacement for therapy. I’m here to share my stories to encourage others that real change is possible…
I have a big girl job these days. The company I work for has doubled in size and I have a lot of autonomy when it comes to strategy, business growth and processes. It’s a hard gig. I don’t always come into work super jazzed, but most days I leave inspired. Our company develops a technology that helps dentists run their practices more efficiently and takes an ethical approach to software development. Ethics, business, tech... all these experiences are stirring up prolific thoughts around our current industrial revolution and the socio-economic effects of rapid technology growth. I feel a drive to start blogging personally again.
What have I learned? Sometime you’re a better number 2. When I was running Lu Curates Media, the social media agency arm of this blog, I felt like I was working in a silo. Being a business owner is isolating. There are a million moving pieces and a lot of responsibility. That’s not to say I’ll never own another company again, but for now, I’m excelling where I am. Plus, I don’t have to worry about filing the companies taxes! I get to focus on my clients alongside marketing and sales strategies. I’m loving my role but I also had to have a heart to heart with myself. I want to write and give very few fucks about making money on Lu Curates. Trying to get a blog to profitability is not impossible but it is a full time job. If I’m honest with myself I simply don’t have the bandwidth to get Lu Curates sister blog, Curated Living, off the ground.
The other day our CEO and another colleague and I got caught in a conversation for two hours as we were all trying to leave for the day. Talking about the state of the tech industry, where it can go, what other tech leaders are doing in this space etc, etc.
The tech start-up I work for has a team, resources, budgets and is working with the most advanced cloud technology in the market. Part of self-awareness is acknowledging your own limitations. For example, I don’t even know how to design a website on my own without the help of Squarespace. An idea is only as good as it’s execution.
When we are younger we have these ideas of what our lives should look like and being an art maven was mine. It has been a long standing part of my identity. I’ve been involved in arts and culture for over 10 years. However, I have to accept that my relationship with art has changed. I must let go of this long standing vision I had for myself because it is no longer me. It isn’t easy.
Art will always be a part of my personal life. But as far as my career is concerned, my art history degree is being used to develop marketing materials and to critically evaluate design.
I love this time of year. I love going back to look at my blog posts from last January and comparing my New Year’s resolutions. I grew a lot in 2018. I settled down a bit, accepted a job at a software company and dissolved my media company. I also started living with a partner for the first-time in my life, totalled my car, and after three years of fostering my brother, I got to see him graduate high school!!!!!!
Last summer, I did an audit of the top six people I was spending my time with. It turns out, I was spending most of my time with friends or lovers that weren’t showing-up for themselves in the same ways I wasn’t showing up for myself. I knew if I was going to move forward I would need to end those relationships. Afterwards, I worried that my life would feel empty. I needed to replace my negative friendships with people who were making better decisions in their lives. Pick your flock, that’s what my foster mom says. We are a reflection of those we surround ourselves with.
Here are three positive changes that cultivate community and helped me build healthier relationships.
I truly believe each and everyone of us is destined to have an exceptional life. I also believe providing for yourself, emotionally, financially and physically is the key differentiator. A large contributor to me struggling to get out of bed last summer was financial. It got so bad that I had to go to the Salvation Army because I couldn’t afford groceries for my brother and I. I was living in scarcity which naturally hindered my drive, creativity and ability to show-up in my own life.
Here are 5 ways to start saving money today!! It takes a series of small change to see a lifetime worth of results and to shift your perspective. One daily action (or maybe we only pull it off 3 times a week, maybe only once a week to start...) reminds us we are in control of the money we spend and can curate our budgets however we deem appropriate. You got this curators!
Before I went on my writing hiatus I met with Sacramento’s artist Sarah Golden. I first saw her work at the Urban Hive, a local co-working space. Normally, I’m not drawn to a pale palette or the color pink (which was prominent in this particular series) but her work stopped me dead in my tracks. The first series I saw used color and simple shapes to pull the viewer in closer to the canvas. I was surprised at how moved I was by her work. It’s stunning.
Abstract work is a hard sell for some people. If I had a dollar for every-time I heard someone say, ‘Oh I could do that,’ I’d be rich. The thing about abstract work is that it comes down to the artists’ style and use of composition. It’s almost like a signature. Sarah’s abstract paintings remind me of poetry or music. Her use of negative space weaves your eye in and out and around corners.
Growing-up I didn't have good financial modeling. When my biological family fell apart my parents were hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. I have struggled my entire life trying to learn how to manage my money appropriately.
I almost had to drop out of UCLA my junior year because I decided to stay in LA for the summer and take on a multicultural internship with the Getty Museum. When I accepted the position, I didn’t realize that my first paycheck from the Getty wouldn’t arrive until after my apartment deposit for the following semester was due. I simply miscalculated when the funds were going to post.
If you know me, you know that in moments of discouragement or frustration, I turn to art. Lately, I’ve been learning a thing or two from Banksy, an artist notorious for his political street art and controversial pop-ups. Bansky, who once broke into a museum and installed a fake painting that sat on display for months before it was noticed. Banksy, who recently installed a shredder into the frame of one of his own works so that the piece would self-destruct after being sold at auction. Like Damien Hirst and Marcel Duchamp, he gets his audience thinking.
Are there people in your life trying to dictate how you should be living? Are there voices casting judgement on your dreams? Audit the naysayers. Take charge, like Banksy, and don’t let a stuffy, fearful culture keep you from experimenting, taking risks, and having fun.
I was going through an awful depression last year, and there were people spreading rumors, saying cruel things about my running my social media marketing business, raising my brother and purposely trying to damage my reputation in a small community. I’ll be honest and take accountability, my reaction was full of self-deprecating victimization and I defensively said some not nice things while drinking copious amounts of booze. Not my proudest moment. However, once I finally got myself out of bed, I realized….I don’t want to be that person in anyone’s life and we all are capable of growth!